I’M SO BLOODY RESTLESS TODAY THAT I don’t know what I’m going to do. I know what it is but it doesn’t help me very much. I’m sitting here shaking my legs like a fucking steam engine… veeery old parts that is working like a beast. I hate when things like this happen to me. I swear it never shall happen but suddenly your in a situation where you just know you’re life is about to get fucked!´from behind and that is, of course, pleasant, but you want to be warned before, right? Or maybe you don’t you pervert! This has nothing to do with anything and I’m probably not making any sense to any of you out there with this scrambled talk!
A month ago I was a quite calm and cool person. But ever since I have not been able to relax. I’m trying to do my meditation but it all just goes around inside my head and I can only think of the same thing and it is disturbing my presence and existence. Not that I’m not used to it since before, but… it’s just that it seems to come and take me away from one misery to another. It has always been like that for me – out of the ash, into the fire, as they say. Well, I better learn to discipline myself a bit more then! And I will. But why do I have to? Isn’t there a way between giving shit up and going for it 110%? Doesn’t seem that way for me. I’ve never known it to be like that anyway sp whatever. I am quite aware of that this makes no sense in your heads whatsoever and I’m sorry for that. It’s just that I feel I have to write it off or something. I wanna feel these feelings and I want to make it all go away because the thought is ridiculous.
There are never an escape from harsh situations. And neither is there one for me this time. I have to sort it out. Well, I know the end sp what am I waiting for? Jack shit, of course. Blah blah blah and even more of the blah’s. I am as disturbed as you are probably getting me right now. And can you see why it is taking energy and unnecessary strength from me that I could need to make it a better situation instead but I don’t work like that, I have come to realize.
Anyway, it is soon time for the Gefle Metal Festival and I will be there with my brother and nephew. Looking forward to that as hell. Spending time with my loved ones is always a pleasure and where there’s metal there’s beer and where there’s beer there COULD be fun. Not saying it necessarily must be. Anyway I will for sure get bak to you about Gefle Festiva in lat July. Until then… see you as usual!