As I sit here with my vaporizer, gently having a zip from it now and then, I feel the level of melancholy rising within and a little bit of paranoia knowing I’ll soon be put in solitude again but that is what I need at present. So I will quickly adapt. (*zippin’*). I will get back to reading about religious history, archaeology, demonology, chaos magick, Luciferianism, Satanism, LHP and many other enlightening literary areas and subjects and I will start my workings again and the meditation and the continuous searching through my inner Darkness and strengthen my being and spirit! And that is something I haven’t been able to do while being down here due to the circumstances. For my workings, I need peace and quiet and a calm mind and I simply haven’t got that environment where I am at. It has probably been very healthy with a break, I feel, and I am more hungry than I’ve ever been to clear up my occulted spirit and spread the light of knowledge on it again after this long and frustrating break that wasn’t planned and I was put out of balance, simply, and the equilibrium of my body and mind.
Too much time has passed, I can feel that. I have to take a few steps back in order to find the state I need to be in for my workings to be effective again (*zippin*) and I can feel how strong my longing to get back to this again is now. And I miss my books. I miss reading them. I haven’t been able to relax and take things to me while being down here. It’s simply too messy. Ah! Great environment for Chaos Magick, then, you might think, haha. Ehm, not really! Not at all. (The term is quite misleading, anyway.) I am leaning over my laptop with my head resting on it and the table alternately and I can’t seem to relax enough probably due to a little nervousness. Weird. I hold my breath and release it again and again and I am clinging to the chair and I can’t get any rest or peace in my mind whatsoever. Too much activity is going on up there today. That’s why haven’t been able to fall asleep at night. I’m eager to get started again because I know how good it makes me feel. It is quite an egoistic agenda to live by but we must put ourselves in the first place in order to be a good friend, husband, boyfriend, wife, girlfriend etc. We must be in total control of our own psyches. This might sound very
*gasping for air* Oh my, I fell asleep and now it is 9:10 pm! Last night here and I just had a last walk through the garden. The first since I got here too, come to think of it :p Well, there is a first and a last of everything and I will com back here again but probably not with the same intentions as this time. Things have changed, literally, and time is not possible to turn back. I guess you could say that this is a departure and a pretty rough one that will send me on a new rumbling journey when I get back home and to where I have no clue it will send me. Quite fascinating. The room is empty now.
Tomorrow it is Friday the 16th of June and I am traveling back home again by cab. All my stuff is packed and neatly placed in the hallway waiting to get packed into a car in about 23 hours. It’s been quite a trip, this. I came to stay for two months and ended up down here for more than six. My cat is getting worried. She’s walking around like the quadra-ped she is but she won’t get any rest. She always is like this when I pack my stuff because she hates going by car in a cage and she always understands what is happening when I gather my bags and stuff in the hall. If the driver is a pleasant and happy one that lets me take her out of the cage than I use to do that after about 10 minutes and then she has a look around and then she makes room between my left leg and the cage in the middle if the back seat. She’s such a wonderful little thing. She’s got style, personality, and attitude. She’s cool, 100%!
So with these words I will leave you for today and next time I write I will be 600km up north of this beautiful hole but you will probably remain where you are, most of you, anyway. Not that that matters but it is something to write to fill out with words, hehe. Anyway. I feel pretty empty today and I will write more interesting once back home. That is a promise. Take care you all and thanks for visiting. It means a lot to me that you do. So cheers!