Today I will go to the vet with my little companion. She is 17 years and 3 months old and she has cancer. During the past few months, she has lost both hearing and sight. Her sight was almost lost over night! But she has been strong and fought her battle against death and seemed pretty alert, walking around the apartment trying to find her way to whatever place she was looking for, but the last two nights she has hidden herself under my couch, and she doesn’t come out for food or water – she has always been a big drinker that could drink enormous amounts of cold water.
NEVER IN MY LIFETIME WILL THERE BE any other place to go. This world is supposed to be a place where there is room for all of us but sometimes I feel as if there is not enough room for me alone. The mind during these periods is darkened by shadowed thoughts. Single words may then linger in my consciousness and repeat itself until I normally would be on the verge of insanity but I have been there so many times that I honestly miss that state of mind when I am not in it anymore. How can that be so? Because once in there I feel undoubtedly secure and very isolated from the other souls around me. I do not see them. I do not feel their presence if they are around me.
Necrophilia (Pt. 2)
AS SOME OF YOU MIGHT RECALL I WROTE A POST on Necrophilia vs. love on June 5th, 2017 and I promised to continue on the subject and tonight is the time for that.
What is necrophilia? To give an answer to this complex question in all its simplicity would be to say that necrophilia is the desire to, in some way, interact sexually and/or emotionally with a corpse. Sick, you say? Also definable. A pedophilia is an ugly orientation with no kind of exculpation (a defense of some offensive behavior) whatsoever and I think – no, I hope – that we all could agree on that part but if we can’t you are not getting any sympathy from me, though.
A SOUL IS LIKE A LANDSCAPE, wounded from past and present wars, shaped by the cataclysmic happenings through our/natures history, molded into what we have/it has become. A soul can be beautiful and most probably are but we don’t see them because we are blinded by our everyday obstacles that keep us from noticing such thníngs as our fellow humans’ souls or the soul if an individual. And today I am thinking of individual souls… I’ve come to know this person with a heart full of love and I’m sure that this persons’ soul is as beautiful as the one I hope fills my own void. Most probably not so because when I think of it – what am I actually made of… what am I worth… what does it matter that someone somewhere is having feelings…
TODAY IT IS MIDSOMMARAFTON IN SWEDEN and so fucking many people around the world will be pissed as hell, as usual on weekends and everyday too for that matter, Stabbing their wives in the face, hitting their friends in the face, beating some unknown guy with a baseball bat, another one will murder her husband tonight, someone will probably stumble over a dead body in the woods (and one of those who finds a corpse might perhaps luckily be a necrophile – what are the odds? I’m sure it happens somewhere, though) , many women will be raped and beaten as if they weren’t worth shit and some ain’t really worth it either but most of them are and more women than you think will be having sex with a dog tonight! Yeah, doesn’t seem that strange in today’s world, does it?
YOU KNOW, IT IS NOT ALWAYS EASY TO KNOW WHAT to write about when you don’t have any spontaneous issue to bring up. I used to be expert in coming up with shit that was interesting despite handling nothing or anything. I think I’m still pretty good at that. That remains to see. I don’t mean this very post but the posts to come in the future to come.
I am going to ask you a question twice today among many other questions… the main question is: is there anything wrong in loving? Now let’s go on with that question in our minds
Have you ever wanted to fuck a corpse? Or care for one? I mean, like, a real corpse?
This is another Desolation X-photo from where I live, Rånäs. It is a couple of years old picture but I like it. It’s depressive, it is nostalgic and it is quite beautiful, I think, even though I have the pissiest day today that I’ve ever experienced in my life before. Not compared to any mental institutions or alike but for a normal day, so to speak. I’m just disappointed overall. There is so much shit going on in my life at the moment that I can’t feel joy, can’t breathe with ease or look at things in an objective way because when I am the subject I tend to be subjective rather…
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– from Shadows by EUCHARIST (unreleased)
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