A SOUL IS LIKE A LANDSCAPE, wounded from past and present wars, shaped by the cataclysmic happenings through our/natures history, molded into what we have/it has become. A soul can be beautiful and most probably are but we don’t see them because we are blinded by our everyday obstacles that keep us from noticing such thníngs as our fellow humans’ souls or the soul if an individual. And today I am thinking of individual souls… I’ve come to know this person with a heart full of love and I’m sure that this persons’ soul is as beautiful as the one I hope fills my own void. Most probably not so because when I think of it – what am I actually made of… what am I worth… what does it matter that someone somewhere is having feelings… we all do everywhere, all day long, all the time… so what makes me special? Nothing. So much time and effort it has cost me to come to the conclusion through the years of a personal ongoing hell that all I have to offer anybody is nothing but my soul and my heart and that is not enough. Not today not before and never has been. It’s always something extra that is missing from you being perfect tp match up with the one you love or think you may love and never gets the chance to find out what had happened if you’d gotten together and learned to know each other. Learned to appreciate each other, to live your life parallel with somebody else that matches your ideal and that see in you what you see in her/him. But there are always someone better than you… someone that has, if not everything you lack, at least has something more that separates the two of you so that the admirer only has eyes for the one with the most to offer. Always. Always has been like that and always will be like that. You and I will always be one step behind them… the others… the elite!
No matter that we all are descended from the sky and are made out of stardust. We will always be the same but yet there is so much difference. Why can’t we let our dreams pull us together and make it one family? Because the world just doesn’t work that way! I know that I will probably die alone and unsatisfied, never given the chance to live what I want to live through, and it may be tomorrow or in ten or in thirty years. Yea I probably don’t have thirty years left on this fucked up planet and cheers to that(!) cuz I won’t miss it. The thing is though that that is what I say, not what I want or wishes for myself. Of course, we all want to own the bottle with a mighty spirit inside of it that will grant us three wishes – I wonder if there is one soul that has not thought of that at some time. We are going to die, ladies and gentlemen, that is for sure the first thing that is of the essence when a life is being born – it will die because no human lives forever. There is no immortality for us. There is only temporary love and caring that we can afford to share with each other for a certain period of life if we are feeling generous. But will we get even that? Who knows?! I can tell you that you don’t go looking for love, that’s for sure. It either drops right into your knees or misses you completely.
Love is not a cool subject. Not a cool subject to discuss. Nothing that anyone of us willingly stands upright and talks about openly. Why is that so? What are we afraid of is going to happen to us? We all need it. Sometimes it might only be temporary sexual relations; other times it is of another nature – for life. It does happen to some of us, that we meet the right person and stay together forever. The thought of which I find beautiful but am afraid of agreeing with because I too need love and I face the same fear as anyone else about it – will it ever come (again), will I die alone (I might drop dead tomorrow. My cousin droped dead at the age of 26 without no explanation), will I happily share my days with a woman I look up to and want to treat like a goddess. Well, I might be unable of doing just that so once again my insecurity takes over… again.
We may never know the future. Not at any point! So as they say – make use of the day and take care of what you have and appreciate it and each other. When you wanna yell – don’t do it because you don’t have to. When you want to cry – know that you are strong and will make it pass even this new obstacle that has come in your way, when the situation is getting threatening to your mental health, grab yourself together and keep your head over the surface so you can breathe because where we can breathe, we can live. If love is on the other side of the Earth – don’t let it stop you. If there is the slightest chance that you have found your love, then go for it for fucks sake, before you lose it forever. Don’t hesitate. Never do and maybe you will be the happiest man / woman ever to have roamed this planet. If you don’t take your chances you will never know. And that goes for other things than love as well.